Stress

It feels like the world is collapsing on me. Nothing is particularly going wrong it's just nothing is going right either. Like I'm just stuck. Stuck, that's a good a word for it. I'm stuck.

I'm struggling with multiple issues from self-confidence to fear of failure to desire for independence yet being very dependent. I'm not growing up the way one should. I'm going backwards. I'm spent most of my kid years being an adult. Of course I made kid mistakes, who didn't? But while a kid at 14 might see a mistake as a "don't do it again" sort of thing, I saw it as a disease. If I were to do that again I would surely die, and if not die be severely ill. I could not fail. I can not fail. While failing is easier, the ultimate idea of failing scares the crap out of me. So I depend on my parents far too much. For money, for rides, for decisions. They are my stone, my stepping stone to life, but I'm too scared to take the next step.

Ridiculous, actually. I'm 18. Smart. Leader like qualities. More mature than most. And I can't even take a driving test because I'm afraid. Afraid of failing, afraid of dying. I'm afraid. My whole life I've been afraid.

Afraid. Dependent. Self-conscious.
When am I gonna grow up?